The UPs and DownS. the start of 2012

Well I know that  I should be writing on this a lot more often than I have been. But I guess sometimes even the best of us get caught up in the thinking game and loose our way. As for the Holidays my daughter and I had a great time up in IN. I do feel bad I didn't get to see the people that I wanted to. I feel bad about it but I was ill the last part of my vacation up there. I  am greatfull for the family and friends that I have. So now on to 2012 with a new set of challenges on top of the one that I already have. But hey whats new right we all have problems. Well the great thing about having a blog is I can complain about them. I was recently terminated from my job due to being out too long on medical leave. This isn't a surprise I was expecting this sooner or later. The doctor and I have discussed my situation earlier this month and he knows whats going on and he has decided to disable me. So in the mean time I have to go on COBRA, now if any one has had to pay this they know it is extremely expensive. And trying to get replacement insurance has been crazy difficult . Oh buy the way the law that says insurance company's cant deny you cause of pre-existing conditions .....well that doesn't go into effect until 2014, oh joy . so I am faced with the fact that I have either a waiting period or a stupid high rate . So it comes to some difficult choices. OH yeah the doctor wants me to have brain surgery to try to fix my vertigo... like how i slipped that in there lol.. Some of the difficult decisions that I may have to make is to move back to IN.  Now most of you know I would really rather not move back. So there is the skinny all good not bad.  Well I guess its all in how you look at it. OH how I need a smoke ...its a good thing that I am too lazy to go get a pack.. So i have resorted to Playing video Games.....Muwahahahhaa........ I love my daughter ,she is just one of the most awesome kids I know.. I am now entering the teenage hormone phase of life... It is a good thing that I am already crazy.. lol all you parents out there know what I mean...  MOM and DAD I sorry for giving you the grey hair, but did you really have to give me that curse. ( I hope your children are just like you when you have them) lol .. you got me  there lol... I shall leave you with this "THERE IS NOTHING IN LIFE THAT CAN'T BE SOLVE WITH THE SAME TOOLS TO WIN A VIDEO GAME. EITHER SHOOT IT ,BLOW IT UP, USE A LIGHT SABER, OR THE FORCE ON IT"    MAY THE FORCE  BE WITH YOU....(by the way I don't have a gun or explosives, but i do have a Light Saber lol)

Life and Acceptance

Well it has been another long gap since i have last posted on my blog. So here we go at the beginning of Oct. talked to the doctor and I was basically told that i might as well start the process for disability.. Now this really sux in so many ways. but one is the fact that he told me that I will never get rid of the vertigo we will only be able to manage it. But hay it could be worse. I have realized that my life as it is at the most challenging  and not bad . I have a hurdle that i have to over come nothing more. I also met a great older gentleman at my last Dr. visit that made me realize this with his story. Here it is and it  is kinda funny. I was going to the restroom after my last appointment and my buddy Bucket was waiting on me ( He was my ride) as I came out of the bathroom this older gentleman look at me and said I sure hope your not my wife cause you sure changed or something like that, Now all of those who know me or have known me for a while know that i am a target for being picked on. Well this gave Bucket a good laugh , I assumed that Bucket knew this guy just because of the way he cracked on me . But to my surprise a couple min in to our conversation he asked our names. So our  conversation continued with what was wrong with me . He began to tell us that he had bypass surgery and had a coughing  fit broke open the place that they went in on his chest. While getting this treated at the doctor he was asked if anything was hurting to which he told the doctor that he had a pretty bad pain in his side . After the checked it out the found out that he had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Now at this point I was completely floored . But not at anytime during our conversation did his smile leave his face or did his upbeat attitude change. I assume that he was either cured or in treatment but I didn't feel comfortable asking. Now you are probably wondering why I told you this story. Well I have learned that many people are challenged with adversity.. And the true test of a person is not what happens to them but how they handle these times that come their way. A good saying that I saw once was " Adversity melts the weak and Forges the Strong".  I know that someone out there has it worse than i do, and if someone can go through what this gentleman did and come out with a great attitude why cant I.  So smile everyday but be thankful for whaT YOU  HAVE. iT cOULd BE wORse.

What you may or may not know

I though that i would touch a subject that I think some people don't understand. There is a lot of people that look at me and don't see anything wrong or they have never seen me have a dizzy attack. Well there is a reason for that . I have learned over the last year in a half how to deal with my attacks. I choose not to draw attention to my small attacks that is why no one sees them. And the fact that only a few people have seen me at my worst which is not pretty I usually have my worst attacks at home where I prefer to have them out of site of everyone as I don't like the attention they bring. So just cause you never see me have a dizzy spell doesn't mean i don't have them. To all my friends they have never doubted me cause they have been here when I have had one . The reason I bring this subject up is my  mother was telling me .a story about Micheal J Fox. and I though about it. In our lives we really don't know what people are going through in their live unless they choose to share. Then we really can never grasp the full extent unless you have walked in their shoes. Now I know that someone out in the world has it way worse than I do. I have learned to accept the situation that i am in and try to look at the positive in this .. I know that its hard for people to see the positive in this. It is hard at times , But i have been blessed with the most amazing family and friends that anyone could ask for. So the next time you see some who is disabled and they look fine to you , just remember they may choose not to let you see their true struggles in life. I was brought up to be the one to help everyone ,not the one to ask for help. It has been a very humbling experience. I'm still having a shit ass time with this but i am a fighter and i will always keep moving forward no matter good or bad.

insane crazy or crazy insane??

 So as most of you know I just picked up and left a couple of weeks ago and came to Indiana. And  I haven't explained my reasoning as  to why I  did this, especially for the fact that i was advised by my doctors not to drive out of town. Well for those of you who haven't heard yet I going to have surgery on  my ear at the end of July.  After talking to 2 different doctors on this .. and being told once again that this is my last option again . sounding like a repeat of what they told me already and confirming what I already knew that nothing that they was doing was working... I lost it Thursday morning after a night of not much sleep. I said FUCK IT packed the dog up threw some clothes in a bag and took  off  hoping for the best... I also had my daughter calling me from Indiana begging me to come up.. Some people may not understand or even agree with this action that i took.. all I have to say is try locking your self in your house for just a month. I was stuck in that fucking house for over a year except for Dr. app. and going to the drug store and the grocery once every one or two weeks... I needed to get the hell outta dodge and figure out some stuff.  I went from 18 medicines a day to 6  oh yeah I also got diagnosed with Diabetes and have to check my blood sugar everyday ..watch what i eat and that good shit ...at times in everyone's life you need to take a step back and reevaluate what  is going on.. Plain and simple "I TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED" I feel like a fucking lab rat to some of these doctors who have 1/2 clue to whats going on.. SO I sAID FUCK IT  .. I would apologize for the colorful words but hey this is how I feel in the raw.. have a Happy 4th of July.

One Wild and Crazy Summer

Well the summer has started out just as I had intended .. slow hot and full of things breaking.... Oh well June 15is the day that will make or break me  I am going to have a procedure that they will inject steroids into my ear to try to kill the  nerve that causes the dizziness... I'm not to sure i have a lot of faith in this because I have had it done before and it didn't work. But I really don't have any other choice at this point. This is going to be my last ditch effort to get back to work... oh how i miss work........Well on another note Haylie  pulled through at crunch time to end the year will all B's and one A I am truly proud of her she does such a great job in all she does. She also got second place in art . I also want to give a shout out to my nephew who won all gold awards in academics for the fifth grade and is moving on to become a sixth grade genius .. I told him on the phone that he was a nerd..and his reply was and I quote " Oh that what they called you back in the day" Bravo Young Matthew you got me. On a more serious note he also has given his life to god and is going to be baptized in the near future..two of the most Important kids in my life continue to make me proud .. Now with that said they are also the ones who drive me nuts the fastest.. but that's OK I can deal with it with all the great achievements that they continue to accomplish. All I can say is world watch out for in the future you will all see the greatness that Haylie and Matthew have to offer. Don't believe me look at them now its already shining through.. Well enough bragging, Oh one more thing congrats to all the graduates this year... Enjoy the summer cause you will be joining the real world soon enough. I hope that everyone has a great and safe summer.

peace love and all that crap....

May the Force Be With You.


Bryon.

The Long Pause

Well a lot has happened  since the last time that I wrote in this blog.. We re winding down the year at school .. my daughter won a 2nd place ribbon on one of her art projects.. Seems like everything is breaking all at once around here, but what else is new. Well as of right now the stuff with my blood disease is under control and I will NOT BE having to get the bone Marrow testing now.. wooooooo hooooo. The summer is going to be a real weird one , I would love to get the pool up and running but I don't believe that is going to happen. Reports have already come in that this is going to be the worst allergy season yet even worse than last year. I think that i am going to believe that cause it is affecting my vertigo really bad. Oh well I go to have a steroid perfusion done on my ear on the 15th of June  it is supposed to kill the nerve in my ear that is causing the dizzy spells lets hope that it works this time .. I have had it done twice be for and it didn't work. If this doesn't work than it looks like I will be looking for a new profession.. I think I will re-open up my computer shop Full time .. I already do stuff on a part time basis now but really go full force with this see how it goes down here. If I was in Indiana I could make it work. I bet i can do it down here... I have a few projects that I am starting .. so i can DO SOMETHING.... Oh I was watching this new show extreme couponing ,where all these people go in a get stuff for free and It just so happens I was fixing a buddy of mines wife computer and she does that. Not to the extreme on TV but she saves a lot.. so I asked her to show me how and she sent me a couple of website to teach you. If  anyone is interested in this send me a message I will forward the links.. Note : this does take some work and effort in order to accomplish the remarkable results seen on TV  and you wont do it over night. But even saving a little now a days is a lot..I am working my way into it I'll let you know how it is going.. Well since the End of the world didn't come I guess I'm gonna have to do something even if it is wrong. LOL well tell next time I hope everyone has a blessed day.

What we take for Granted

First off just so you all know .. I realize that are far more people out there that have it way way worse than I do.
So as another year rolls around and my birthday just around the corner.. I had a few moments .. OK a lot of moments to sit back and reflect on the things I use to take for granted.. One thing is Family and Friends , I know that I always thought that I would never have to call on anyone for help. Yet when I did it showed me  who my true friends were. The people that cared for my daughter and myself... It amazes me the length that people will go to help you. I so much appreciate all the people in my life, You all have made things so much easier to handle. One of the other things that I took for granted which this is one of the biggest ones in my opinion  is God. I know that most of us only talk to him or pray when things start to hit the shit house.. So I hope that my faith has become stronger even though stuff doesn’t always go my way.. Most of you know that I have been down for a long time what most of you don’t know is what I have been doing in this time.. For the most part I get to stay at home and do nothing.. I either get to try to catch up on sleep or I cant do much at all ...I have some friends that do come to see me ever couple of weeks,but due to the vertigo I usually only get out enough to go to the DR,Grocery, and if im lucky I get to got to the Union Hall. Lately I have to get out about 3 times a week to get blood taken out. So if anyone knows what cabin fever is then i have had that at least 3 times  and i have surfed the entire internet, I've done background checks on every person I know (??????) and thought about taking over several small countries, Saved the world from aliens,terrorist , and just general bad guys... So in short I have been super bored and not really able to do stuff.. I'm trying to get out and do more but seems the more I do the worse it seems to come back and bite me in the ass ..  But Oh Well, you know what they say IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE A PNEUMATIC LEMON LAUNCHER FILL THEM FULL OF C-4 AND SHOOT THEM BACK.... LOL



So to everyone that is here for me  THANK YOU AGIAN..


Also I'm gonna start a BBQ Fund to get enough to invite everyone  i can over for BBQ and pool.. just to see if its possible that I can actually get tired of talking... so feel free to donate..as the old saying  goes there is no better nation than DONATION






Peace and Love and all that Good Shit
Bryon