Life and Acceptance

Well it has been another long gap since i have last posted on my blog. So here we go at the beginning of Oct. talked to the doctor and I was basically told that i might as well start the process for disability.. Now this really sux in so many ways. but one is the fact that he told me that I will never get rid of the vertigo we will only be able to manage it. But hay it could be worse. I have realized that my life as it is at the most challenging  and not bad . I have a hurdle that i have to over come nothing more. I also met a great older gentleman at my last Dr. visit that made me realize this with his story. Here it is and it  is kinda funny. I was going to the restroom after my last appointment and my buddy Bucket was waiting on me ( He was my ride) as I came out of the bathroom this older gentleman look at me and said I sure hope your not my wife cause you sure changed or something like that, Now all of those who know me or have known me for a while know that i am a target for being picked on. Well this gave Bucket a good laugh , I assumed that Bucket knew this guy just because of the way he cracked on me . But to my surprise a couple min in to our conversation he asked our names. So our  conversation continued with what was wrong with me . He began to tell us that he had bypass surgery and had a coughing  fit broke open the place that they went in on his chest. While getting this treated at the doctor he was asked if anything was hurting to which he told the doctor that he had a pretty bad pain in his side . After the checked it out the found out that he had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Now at this point I was completely floored . But not at anytime during our conversation did his smile leave his face or did his upbeat attitude change. I assume that he was either cured or in treatment but I didn't feel comfortable asking. Now you are probably wondering why I told you this story. Well I have learned that many people are challenged with adversity.. And the true test of a person is not what happens to them but how they handle these times that come their way. A good saying that I saw once was " Adversity melts the weak and Forges the Strong".  I know that someone out there has it worse than i do, and if someone can go through what this gentleman did and come out with a great attitude why cant I.  So smile everyday but be thankful for whaT YOU  HAVE. iT cOULd BE wORse.

What you may or may not know

I though that i would touch a subject that I think some people don't understand. There is a lot of people that look at me and don't see anything wrong or they have never seen me have a dizzy attack. Well there is a reason for that . I have learned over the last year in a half how to deal with my attacks. I choose not to draw attention to my small attacks that is why no one sees them. And the fact that only a few people have seen me at my worst which is not pretty I usually have my worst attacks at home where I prefer to have them out of site of everyone as I don't like the attention they bring. So just cause you never see me have a dizzy spell doesn't mean i don't have them. To all my friends they have never doubted me cause they have been here when I have had one . The reason I bring this subject up is my  mother was telling me .a story about Micheal J Fox. and I though about it. In our lives we really don't know what people are going through in their live unless they choose to share. Then we really can never grasp the full extent unless you have walked in their shoes. Now I know that someone out in the world has it way worse than I do. I have learned to accept the situation that i am in and try to look at the positive in this .. I know that its hard for people to see the positive in this. It is hard at times , But i have been blessed with the most amazing family and friends that anyone could ask for. So the next time you see some who is disabled and they look fine to you , just remember they may choose not to let you see their true struggles in life. I was brought up to be the one to help everyone ,not the one to ask for help. It has been a very humbling experience. I'm still having a shit ass time with this but i am a fighter and i will always keep moving forward no matter good or bad.

insane crazy or crazy insane??

 So as most of you know I just picked up and left a couple of weeks ago and came to Indiana. And  I haven't explained my reasoning as  to why I  did this, especially for the fact that i was advised by my doctors not to drive out of town. Well for those of you who haven't heard yet I going to have surgery on  my ear at the end of July.  After talking to 2 different doctors on this .. and being told once again that this is my last option again . sounding like a repeat of what they told me already and confirming what I already knew that nothing that they was doing was working... I lost it Thursday morning after a night of not much sleep. I said FUCK IT packed the dog up threw some clothes in a bag and took  off  hoping for the best... I also had my daughter calling me from Indiana begging me to come up.. Some people may not understand or even agree with this action that i took.. all I have to say is try locking your self in your house for just a month. I was stuck in that fucking house for over a year except for Dr. app. and going to the drug store and the grocery once every one or two weeks... I needed to get the hell outta dodge and figure out some stuff.  I went from 18 medicines a day to 6  oh yeah I also got diagnosed with Diabetes and have to check my blood sugar everyday ..watch what i eat and that good shit ...at times in everyone's life you need to take a step back and reevaluate what  is going on.. Plain and simple "I TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED" I feel like a fucking lab rat to some of these doctors who have 1/2 clue to whats going on.. SO I sAID FUCK IT  .. I would apologize for the colorful words but hey this is how I feel in the raw.. have a Happy 4th of July.

One Wild and Crazy Summer

Well the summer has started out just as I had intended .. slow hot and full of things breaking.... Oh well June 15is the day that will make or break me  I am going to have a procedure that they will inject steroids into my ear to try to kill the  nerve that causes the dizziness... I'm not to sure i have a lot of faith in this because I have had it done before and it didn't work. But I really don't have any other choice at this point. This is going to be my last ditch effort to get back to work... oh how i miss work........Well on another note Haylie  pulled through at crunch time to end the year will all B's and one A I am truly proud of her she does such a great job in all she does. She also got second place in art . I also want to give a shout out to my nephew who won all gold awards in academics for the fifth grade and is moving on to become a sixth grade genius .. I told him on the phone that he was a nerd..and his reply was and I quote " Oh that what they called you back in the day" Bravo Young Matthew you got me. On a more serious note he also has given his life to god and is going to be baptized in the near future..two of the most Important kids in my life continue to make me proud .. Now with that said they are also the ones who drive me nuts the fastest.. but that's OK I can deal with it with all the great achievements that they continue to accomplish. All I can say is world watch out for in the future you will all see the greatness that Haylie and Matthew have to offer. Don't believe me look at them now its already shining through.. Well enough bragging, Oh one more thing congrats to all the graduates this year... Enjoy the summer cause you will be joining the real world soon enough. I hope that everyone has a great and safe summer.

peace love and all that crap....

May the Force Be With You.


Bryon.

The Long Pause

Well a lot has happened  since the last time that I wrote in this blog.. We re winding down the year at school .. my daughter won a 2nd place ribbon on one of her art projects.. Seems like everything is breaking all at once around here, but what else is new. Well as of right now the stuff with my blood disease is under control and I will NOT BE having to get the bone Marrow testing now.. wooooooo hooooo. The summer is going to be a real weird one , I would love to get the pool up and running but I don't believe that is going to happen. Reports have already come in that this is going to be the worst allergy season yet even worse than last year. I think that i am going to believe that cause it is affecting my vertigo really bad. Oh well I go to have a steroid perfusion done on my ear on the 15th of June  it is supposed to kill the nerve in my ear that is causing the dizzy spells lets hope that it works this time .. I have had it done twice be for and it didn't work. If this doesn't work than it looks like I will be looking for a new profession.. I think I will re-open up my computer shop Full time .. I already do stuff on a part time basis now but really go full force with this see how it goes down here. If I was in Indiana I could make it work. I bet i can do it down here... I have a few projects that I am starting .. so i can DO SOMETHING.... Oh I was watching this new show extreme couponing ,where all these people go in a get stuff for free and It just so happens I was fixing a buddy of mines wife computer and she does that. Not to the extreme on TV but she saves a lot.. so I asked her to show me how and she sent me a couple of website to teach you. If  anyone is interested in this send me a message I will forward the links.. Note : this does take some work and effort in order to accomplish the remarkable results seen on TV  and you wont do it over night. But even saving a little now a days is a lot..I am working my way into it I'll let you know how it is going.. Well since the End of the world didn't come I guess I'm gonna have to do something even if it is wrong. LOL well tell next time I hope everyone has a blessed day.

What we take for Granted

First off just so you all know .. I realize that are far more people out there that have it way way worse than I do.
So as another year rolls around and my birthday just around the corner.. I had a few moments .. OK a lot of moments to sit back and reflect on the things I use to take for granted.. One thing is Family and Friends , I know that I always thought that I would never have to call on anyone for help. Yet when I did it showed me  who my true friends were. The people that cared for my daughter and myself... It amazes me the length that people will go to help you. I so much appreciate all the people in my life, You all have made things so much easier to handle. One of the other things that I took for granted which this is one of the biggest ones in my opinion  is God. I know that most of us only talk to him or pray when things start to hit the shit house.. So I hope that my faith has become stronger even though stuff doesn’t always go my way.. Most of you know that I have been down for a long time what most of you don’t know is what I have been doing in this time.. For the most part I get to stay at home and do nothing.. I either get to try to catch up on sleep or I cant do much at all ...I have some friends that do come to see me ever couple of weeks,but due to the vertigo I usually only get out enough to go to the DR,Grocery, and if im lucky I get to got to the Union Hall. Lately I have to get out about 3 times a week to get blood taken out. So if anyone knows what cabin fever is then i have had that at least 3 times  and i have surfed the entire internet, I've done background checks on every person I know (??????) and thought about taking over several small countries, Saved the world from aliens,terrorist , and just general bad guys... So in short I have been super bored and not really able to do stuff.. I'm trying to get out and do more but seems the more I do the worse it seems to come back and bite me in the ass ..  But Oh Well, you know what they say IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE A PNEUMATIC LEMON LAUNCHER FILL THEM FULL OF C-4 AND SHOOT THEM BACK.... LOL



So to everyone that is here for me  THANK YOU AGIAN..


Also I'm gonna start a BBQ Fund to get enough to invite everyone  i can over for BBQ and pool.. just to see if its possible that I can actually get tired of talking... so feel free to donate..as the old saying  goes there is no better nation than DONATION






Peace and Love and all that Good Shit
Bryon

Patience and Acceptance

Patience and  Acceptance this is the topic for this post .. As most of you who know me I have hardly a good grasp on patience and the acceptance of help from people with me not being able to give back drives me ape shit bonkers. I know short drive right. well I have to thank all of those who have and are continuing to help while im going through this fun adventure.. Had my good friends Andy and Stephanie Eberly down this last weekend with there baby boy great times.. Both of them took it upon themselves to do something around the house.. To all of you who know me that drives me nuts..we decided to go eat Chinese the last night they was here. Not only did i get 3 fortunes in one cookie(don't know if that's bad or good), but here is the first one that i read.(look at the top of page ) So to all who help me and continue to thank you so much I appreciate it soooooo much thank you again ..I will pay you all back as soon as i get better.

Proof

Ok number 3 happened today. if puzzled refer back to the post of the Rule of Three. I tried to listen to everyone and stay positive. I even had a visit from a good buddy last night . Thanks Kevin it really great to see ya. Ok back to number three, I am probably 1 of only maybe a handful of people in this entire world that can catch a lawnmower on fire... not once but twice...it hadn't been used in at least a year and boom flames a flying ..woo hoo. but oh well I didnt want really try to mow the yard anyways.. By the way IT A PUSH MOWER  not a rider. well Party on Wayne ...Party on Garth....

The Rule Of Three

The Rule Of Three... some know it some don't. It is pretty simple  that bad things always happen in three's. Now some of you out there just look at this and say that's absurd ,just an old wives tale.. Well bullshit I believe in it and I seem to be living it .. My resets and  starts new every week and this isn't just stuff to do with health its everything. But, oh well its funny.. I heard the saying the other day that you should laugh at 90% of the stuff going on in your life and  give a shit about 10% cause no matter what you not getting out of a live.  So if you talk to me in person and I start laughing about some of the not so good stuff going on in my life I guess it doesn't fall in that 10% in my opinion. For the most part I act the way I do for  my daughter .Cause to be honest no matter how I feel she shouldn't have to bear that burden. So I put on a happy face and try to make her day brighter no matter how I feel or what going on with me. So back to the rule of three, I have two down already and the week is just getting started. Well one my many doctors called me yesterday to inform me that I am now Pre-diabetic and the I have to watch what I eat.. OK here is the joke in that one lol  I am already following a 1500mg a day salt diet...For those who cant really grasp that concept look at everything you and drink in one day add the sodium up and that's your intake or another way is that one teaspoon of salt  is over 3000mg of sodium not tablespoon .. teaspoon.  I now have 3 months to loose weight and get this under control . Then today's GOOD News for the hereditary disease that i have and they was taking 500ml of blood a twice a week to get it under control well I guess my body isn't recovering like its suppose to so im at risk of becoming anemic so now they put me to once a week .... what does that mean well its going to take longer and there maybe another under lying problem causing this  WOO HOO  Just waiting for number 3 lol ... Life, thank God for video games and reality shows or how would we be able get through our boring lives lol

Here the Now and ANGRY PART 1

OK for most of the people who have been close to me you already know that I have been down for quite a while.( 1year May 9th)  For those of you who haven't been following or only give half a shit here is what's been happening. I was diagnosed with Meneire's disease or how ever you spell it. This has to do with the middle ear, it not only creates hearing loss, ringing in the ears but also hits you with bouts of Vertigo(dizziness). This I have had for several years I would usually get it in one of the summer months and it would last only 7 days and go away until the next year. well about 2 years ago it lasted for 3 weeks then this last year it didn't go away. I was at first having Vertigo spells everyday for about 4-5 months. Some so bad that i would end up spending and hour or so in the bathroom throwing up. I would get these walking, sitting,stand,lying down, and they would even wake me up out of a dead sleep. They would last anywhere from 15-30 minutes to 2-4 hours depending. I have seen many doctors and specialist and  tried about everything. They gave me allergy shots to geninmiasin infusion to kill the nerve inside my ear. They even put an equalization tube in my ear to help with the pressure. With all of these none has worked. I have since moved to Vanderbilt to 2 different specialist 1 a dizziness specialist and the other a neurologist (who is an Asshole by the way) for  migraines.  And some progress was being made i was down to 2 attacks a week still not good enough to go back to work but getting there. Then on Febuary 17th that all took a shit dive. While on a normal routine blood pressure medicine check up and question secession i was hooked up to an EKG that said i was having a mild Heart Attack. There goes the F'ing neighborhood after about 20 min of arguing with the doctor and several nurses I had the fun and exciting time of my very first ambulance ride WOOOHOOO. I spent half of that day in the Cardiac ER with what seemed like a 1000 wires needles and other shit hooked up to me. So finally after getting up to a room and getting to talk to a doctor I found out that my  kidneys had shut down completely and created a high level of potassium in my body it created fluid around my heart that mimicked a Heart Attack. So i got to spend the night in the Harton Hilton.. The fist time I had ever  spent the night in a hospital cause I had to( who gives a shit right). Well at this point before I continue this lovely story I would Like to personally thank each and every person who stepped up to help out with the one thing that was most important to me.. my daughter. This thank you also is extended to all those who offered. I can honestly say that the good Lord above has blessed me with some of the greatest friends in the world , I will for ever be indebted to you.. and pray that I can pay you all back someday for the things you have done for us. Now back to our show after spending one of the most sleepless nights i have ever had the doctor came around at the crack of noon to inform me that my kidney function was back up to 10%... after my usual reaction of saying "COOL" he left . The nurse that was taking my blood pressure and another half gallon of blood to be tested decide that I was not fully informed to how dire the situation was( I guess because I wasn't whining and crying) so she proceeded to inform me how if this wasn't caught in a timely manor I could have died and not knowing how long my kidneys were down that it could have been only a week and I would have been worm food. Well after texting,calling, and begging everyone i could think of for a cheese burger or a smoke . By the way thanks Lashane for throwing my under the bus on that one. I finally talked or complained enough for them to let me go home with kidney function at 30%.. What caused this you ask.. well they think that it was a combination of 2 of the meds i was on. So after that I went to my family doctor the next week  walked in and apologized for being an ass that day and thanking her for basically saving my life. At this point we had decided to do a series of blood test to check everything including keeping track of the progression of my kidney function. In this process it was detected that I had a testosterone imbalance and a vitamin D deficiency and high Iron..So with the detection of high iron  I was sent to a hematologist/oncologist to under go more testing. An with that they found that I have a gentic disorder called hereditary hemochromatosis.. what is that you ask, well in basic terms it means my body retains iron instead of getting rid of it. How do you fix that you ask well , I get to go in and have blood taken out like when you give to the Red Cross except bigger needle and bigger bottle. about 500ml twice a week until my count is below 50 . Last time they checked it was at 475 so much fun.. Then on or after the 24th of may they are going in to do a bone marrow test, but i'll get into that later. As for the Meneries disease .... after my stint with the kidneys  my vertigo has come back more often.  The dizziness doctor will not do anything further until my kidneys are back to normal. So it  is hurry up and wait. For the most part being optimistic is hard and from this point i'll believe it when i see it .. i can't really  count on my luck cause its been so shitty lately ... With everything going on I know that I really don't have it as bad as it could be. I still get up in the morning put both feet on the ground and keep moving forward. The good Lord will get me through this no matter if i come out smelling like a rose or like shit . But that is how things are going in a nutshell .

Here the Now and ANGRY Intro (READ ME FIRST)

Well hello to everyone and thanks for stopping by. I need to make a few disclaimers right off the bat so everyone understands where I am coming from.
#1. there will be content in this blog and post here after that will contain my own personal view on religion "I AM IN NOW WAY TRYING TO OFFEND YOU OR YOUR BELIEF OR RELIGION NOR AM I TRYING TO PUSH MINE ON YOU".  
#2. I will use some language that some may beliveve is unnessicary (in other words I am going to cuss.)discaliamer inside a disclaimer my mother and father didn't bring me up this way. Love you MOM & DAD.
#3. I encourage feed back from all who read this But please refrain from saying the following phrases "I'm Sorry" "Hang in There", "Don't worry it will all work out". I ask for and seek no pity or sympathy for the situation I am in, it is no ones fault what is going on with me I am a big boy and I can take it.
"4. If  I offend you I am sorry. get over it I am not writing this to get in to a pissing match with anyone. I am writing this to inform and also to help me vent in a way that no one has to here me yell.

#5. This is the most  important one. The grammar and spelling in this will not always adhere to academic standards so don't write or post that this was a double negative or i spelled this wrong cause I don't give a shit, if  you get the point who cares.. this isn't a school paper.