Time and other stuff

Time is the most valuable thing in everyone's lives, because you always loose it and can never get it back. So do we make the most of what we have? I try but due to things beyond my control it makes it very difficult. I should call more of my family more often , like my Aunts and Uncles or at least chat with them on Facebook. But in our society people are so busy its hard to get 5 mins of someones time anymore. Plus the fact that if you get me going I can talk for ever.. that's what happens when your couped up in a house all the time.. But lets face it one of the things I like to do is talk ....sorry I was born with diarrhea of the mouth and I tend to debate people on things. This isn't done intentionally all the time , but the way my brain works is I seek information . I tend to ask questions to clarify and end up offending or making people mad. There are a very few people who can stand or know how to handle me when this begins.. I really don't go out with the intention to upsetting or offending  anyone.  Your belief  is yours, same as your opinion regardless if I agree or not. That and the fact that my brain runs faster than my mouth it is sometimes hard for people to understand what I am trying say. So if I offend you , I am sorry this is not my intention. I have been trying to learn to keep my mouth shut to allow other people to convey their points but my brain kicks in to overdrive when they cross a topic that I want to chime in on. I am a thinker , I think a lot . Some times about crazy stuff , sometime about serious stuff. My parents raised me to be an individual , and at sometimes I take that to the extreme. Some things you may not know about me. 1. I do have a college degree its in computer science and networking. 2. I am a huge history buff, I love learning more details about parts of history that they didn't teach you in school. 3. I am at some times a weird nerd who likes to act like I am 25 trapped in a 40 year old body.  4. I dress the way I dress not to impress but because its comfortable, the only reason I dont wear my star wars pajama pants out in public is  because my daughter would beat me in my sleep. 5. I USE TO HAVE HAIR AND LOTS OF IT ALL RED , MY DAUGHTER STOLE IT FROM ME. This is just a few of the things that make me a genuine one of a kind. The reason that I do the things I do act the way I act is because when you have time you shouldn't waste it on worrying all the time or being mad or what ever else is keeping you from living. I LOVE WHO  I AM.  Take or leave it . 

Stay Strong 

And Smile Everyday

ZOMBIES ZOMBIES ZOMBIES

As many of you that talk to me I always say that I am preparing for the zombie apocalypse . Well to tell you the truth I am just preparing for any situation that come about. As we have seen in past years natural  disasters, or terrorist dangers have plagued us. These danger will always be just around the corner. Even the government F.E.M.A suggest that everyone have a "bug out bag" in case an emergency occurs. http://www.ready.gov/build-a-kit   This is the link. We should all be prepared ,no offense but you can not count on the government to always save  you.  This is why I have my prepping stuff around . I also believe that there could be some unforeseen event that could happen in the future. Always be prepared that is something that I try to instill into my daughter. Or you could use that old saying "better to have it and not need it , then to need it  and not have it" But using the Zombie Apocalypse is a way more fun to use as an excuse to prepare. So everyone should take the time to prepare for an emergency "Just In Case"

SO , PEACE, LOVE, AND CHICKEN GREASE

Until the next time
Stay strong, and Smile Everyday

2013 the year of ????

Well here we are almost 3 months into 2013 and I can honestly say it has already been one hell of a let down.  I know thing cant possibly stay this way for ever but who knows. In case you don't know me very well I am a survivor I will get past anything thrown at me.. and I usually do it alone.. I ask for very little help if any from anyone. I will have been out of work for almost 3 1/2 years  now .. I had the foresight to get long term disability insurance to cover my financial  responsibilities. I haven't used any state, federal , or local  assistance. funny thing is if you need it you cant get it. But  I guess I don't know how to work the system.  Plus I am too honest . But the funny thing is when someone goes to get health insurance after his CObra is  up .  It cost 2 times as much as the cobra and doesn't include vision,dental, or Prescription coverage. I tell you I am not a fan of this Obama care that is my personal opinion, But there needs to be some serious reform in our health care system.. You want me to eat super healthy make a Salad .99cents and a cheese burger 5.99 . Where does that make sense that we are suppose to eat healthy ,but they make it so expensive that you can't afford to do it . I am on a limited budget since they raised the rates on my Cobra and my house payment. It is rare that I complain but this is total bullshot. I ask for just alittle help to make it buy for just a few months until I can get my stuff all squared away . But so may idiots abused the system that there are no exceptions , go figure. This year is coming with some very tough decisions, ones that I am not thrilled with but must be done. What I am referring to is that my daughter and I are moving back to Indiana sometime by the end of the year. Reason: Personal Family stuff, that is about as much as I am gonna put on a public forum. We have lived in TN nearly 11 years and we have loved every minute of it .We have made many many many friends and family here. It will be hard to move so far away.  But hey I am giving some of my southern family  a reason to come to yankeeville  LOL . As many of you know I take great care and pride in raising my daughter to be the best she can be. I believe that I am fulfilling that to the best of my ability and no mater what my condition or disability  I will continue to make sure that my little genius excels at everything. So with all of my ranting and raving over with I would like to make sure that we get to spend some time  with everyone down here before we go. Again it will be toward the end of the year , but I want to make the most of it while we can . For those who are reading my blog for the first time I have meinieres disease which doesn't allow me to work . I am going to have surgery in the future to take care of my severe attacks, but I will  have to go through therapy and rehab for the rest of my life. And my dizzy Dr. say no to work. so yee haw... So ladies and gentleman  until next time  stay strong and smile at least once a day it helps trust me.

The UPs and DownS. the start of 2012

Well I know that  I should be writing on this a lot more often than I have been. But I guess sometimes even the best of us get caught up in the thinking game and loose our way. As for the Holidays my daughter and I had a great time up in IN. I do feel bad I didn't get to see the people that I wanted to. I feel bad about it but I was ill the last part of my vacation up there. I  am greatfull for the family and friends that I have. So now on to 2012 with a new set of challenges on top of the one that I already have. But hey whats new right we all have problems. Well the great thing about having a blog is I can complain about them. I was recently terminated from my job due to being out too long on medical leave. This isn't a surprise I was expecting this sooner or later. The doctor and I have discussed my situation earlier this month and he knows whats going on and he has decided to disable me. So in the mean time I have to go on COBRA, now if any one has had to pay this they know it is extremely expensive. And trying to get replacement insurance has been crazy difficult . Oh buy the way the law that says insurance company's cant deny you cause of pre-existing conditions .....well that doesn't go into effect until 2014, oh joy . so I am faced with the fact that I have either a waiting period or a stupid high rate . So it comes to some difficult choices. OH yeah the doctor wants me to have brain surgery to try to fix my vertigo... like how i slipped that in there lol.. Some of the difficult decisions that I may have to make is to move back to IN.  Now most of you know I would really rather not move back. So there is the skinny all good not bad.  Well I guess its all in how you look at it. OH how I need a smoke ...its a good thing that I am too lazy to go get a pack.. So i have resorted to Playing video Games.....Muwahahahhaa........ I love my daughter ,she is just one of the most awesome kids I know.. I am now entering the teenage hormone phase of life... It is a good thing that I am already crazy.. lol all you parents out there know what I mean...  MOM and DAD I sorry for giving you the grey hair, but did you really have to give me that curse. ( I hope your children are just like you when you have them) lol .. you got me  there lol... I shall leave you with this "THERE IS NOTHING IN LIFE THAT CAN'T BE SOLVE WITH THE SAME TOOLS TO WIN A VIDEO GAME. EITHER SHOOT IT ,BLOW IT UP, USE A LIGHT SABER, OR THE FORCE ON IT"    MAY THE FORCE  BE WITH YOU....(by the way I don't have a gun or explosives, but i do have a Light Saber lol)

Life and Acceptance

Well it has been another long gap since i have last posted on my blog. So here we go at the beginning of Oct. talked to the doctor and I was basically told that i might as well start the process for disability.. Now this really sux in so many ways. but one is the fact that he told me that I will never get rid of the vertigo we will only be able to manage it. But hay it could be worse. I have realized that my life as it is at the most challenging  and not bad . I have a hurdle that i have to over come nothing more. I also met a great older gentleman at my last Dr. visit that made me realize this with his story. Here it is and it  is kinda funny. I was going to the restroom after my last appointment and my buddy Bucket was waiting on me ( He was my ride) as I came out of the bathroom this older gentleman look at me and said I sure hope your not my wife cause you sure changed or something like that, Now all of those who know me or have known me for a while know that i am a target for being picked on. Well this gave Bucket a good laugh , I assumed that Bucket knew this guy just because of the way he cracked on me . But to my surprise a couple min in to our conversation he asked our names. So our  conversation continued with what was wrong with me . He began to tell us that he had bypass surgery and had a coughing  fit broke open the place that they went in on his chest. While getting this treated at the doctor he was asked if anything was hurting to which he told the doctor that he had a pretty bad pain in his side . After the checked it out the found out that he had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Now at this point I was completely floored . But not at anytime during our conversation did his smile leave his face or did his upbeat attitude change. I assume that he was either cured or in treatment but I didn't feel comfortable asking. Now you are probably wondering why I told you this story. Well I have learned that many people are challenged with adversity.. And the true test of a person is not what happens to them but how they handle these times that come their way. A good saying that I saw once was " Adversity melts the weak and Forges the Strong".  I know that someone out there has it worse than i do, and if someone can go through what this gentleman did and come out with a great attitude why cant I.  So smile everyday but be thankful for whaT YOU  HAVE. iT cOULd BE wORse.

What you may or may not know

I though that i would touch a subject that I think some people don't understand. There is a lot of people that look at me and don't see anything wrong or they have never seen me have a dizzy attack. Well there is a reason for that . I have learned over the last year in a half how to deal with my attacks. I choose not to draw attention to my small attacks that is why no one sees them. And the fact that only a few people have seen me at my worst which is not pretty I usually have my worst attacks at home where I prefer to have them out of site of everyone as I don't like the attention they bring. So just cause you never see me have a dizzy spell doesn't mean i don't have them. To all my friends they have never doubted me cause they have been here when I have had one . The reason I bring this subject up is my  mother was telling me .a story about Micheal J Fox. and I though about it. In our lives we really don't know what people are going through in their live unless they choose to share. Then we really can never grasp the full extent unless you have walked in their shoes. Now I know that someone out in the world has it way worse than I do. I have learned to accept the situation that i am in and try to look at the positive in this .. I know that its hard for people to see the positive in this. It is hard at times , But i have been blessed with the most amazing family and friends that anyone could ask for. So the next time you see some who is disabled and they look fine to you , just remember they may choose not to let you see their true struggles in life. I was brought up to be the one to help everyone ,not the one to ask for help. It has been a very humbling experience. I'm still having a shit ass time with this but i am a fighter and i will always keep moving forward no matter good or bad.

insane crazy or crazy insane??

 So as most of you know I just picked up and left a couple of weeks ago and came to Indiana. And  I haven't explained my reasoning as  to why I  did this, especially for the fact that i was advised by my doctors not to drive out of town. Well for those of you who haven't heard yet I going to have surgery on  my ear at the end of July.  After talking to 2 different doctors on this .. and being told once again that this is my last option again . sounding like a repeat of what they told me already and confirming what I already knew that nothing that they was doing was working... I lost it Thursday morning after a night of not much sleep. I said FUCK IT packed the dog up threw some clothes in a bag and took  off  hoping for the best... I also had my daughter calling me from Indiana begging me to come up.. Some people may not understand or even agree with this action that i took.. all I have to say is try locking your self in your house for just a month. I was stuck in that fucking house for over a year except for Dr. app. and going to the drug store and the grocery once every one or two weeks... I needed to get the hell outta dodge and figure out some stuff.  I went from 18 medicines a day to 6  oh yeah I also got diagnosed with Diabetes and have to check my blood sugar everyday ..watch what i eat and that good shit ...at times in everyone's life you need to take a step back and reevaluate what  is going on.. Plain and simple "I TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED" I feel like a fucking lab rat to some of these doctors who have 1/2 clue to whats going on.. SO I sAID FUCK IT  .. I would apologize for the colorful words but hey this is how I feel in the raw.. have a Happy 4th of July.